Now that you know how it all began, let me tell you what it looks like day to day.
My little girl is beautiful. Not just because I'm her mother but because she simply is breathtakingly beautiful. She has big gorgeous hazel eyes that are shaped like a porcelain doll. She has creamy perfect skin. Perfectly formed lips and nose. She is beautiful. On the inside, she can sometimes project that beauty. She can be sweet, affectionate, playful, cooperative... Everything you would want in a 2 year old little girl. There are days when I look at her and wonder how it's possible that there is anything the matter with her at all. There are days when she astounds me with her obedience and responsibility. And then there are most days.
Most days Gabi spends her time screaming, hitting/biting/scratching, talking back, ignoring everything she's told, destroying things and being a nightmare in general. I sometimes wonder how she can manage to scream as long as she does..Sometimes for hours on end, literally.. For days and days in a row. Sometimes I wonder how it is possible for a 2 year old to be so mean and so angry. I have three other children, all of them perfectly healthy and well rounded. Granted, they all have their days but they are GOOD kids. Where did things go so wrong with Gabi?
I have to admit, here, where hopefully someone who knows what this life is like will stumble upon it, that there are times that I wish I had never had her. There are times when I wish I could give her to a new family that would be a better fit. Sometimes I think that I just don't have it in me to give her any more than I already do. Sometimes I feel completely defeated.
Of course, I would never give up my child. I would never abandon her to another family or to the system. I will continue to love her and work with her and hopefully, one day, we will see an improvement. And if we don't, we'll just keep trying. But there are days, long dark days, when I feel like I just can't do this anymore.
Saturday, December 15, 2012
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
The new Influenster
Something completely off topic but so very cool. Influenster is a site that sends out products to it's users to try out and then review. I have received some truly awesome products from this site. If you are interested in signing up and letting your opinions influence future products leave me a comment and I will send you an invite!
Check out the remodeled influenster here! www.influenster.com
Check out the remodeled influenster here! www.influenster.com
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
As I said before, on 2/29/12, the developmental pediatrician diagnosed Gabriela SPD, ADHD, and ODD. She suggested that we try a medication for Gabi's hyperactivity. She feels that taking this step would allow for Gabi to calm down enough to for behavioral modification to work. At this moment Gabi is 18 months old. The doctor figures we can try out the medication for hyperactivity for six months. If there is no change or behavioral modification is still not working we can add Prozac when she turns 2 years old. (Yes. Yes, you did read all of that correctly.)
Apparently, medicating an 18 month old is a little different than medicating an older child. I am told that toddlers do not respond well to stimulants such as adderall. Instead medication that has a sedating effect is recommended for younger children. Gabi's doctor recommended we put her on Clonidine. Clonidine is a medication used for high blood pressure and rapid heart rate. It can also be used to treat withdraw symptoms. It has the added side effect of having a sedating effect on those that take it. I am not a doctor or pharmacist so I won't get into the details of the drug.. It's something that anyone can Google. Suffice to say, there are a host of potential side effects that could go along with taking the medication. There have also been several reports of overdose related deaths where clonidine is concerned.
So where does this leave me, as a parent? More importantly, where does this leave Gabriela? Will denying her medical treatment negatively impact her life? We are expecting a baby in just a few months, is she a danger to a newborn? Is she a danger to herself? Will she continue to beat up on and traumatize her sister? On the other hand, is it right to medicate an 18 month old little girl? Is it fair to judge impulse control and activity level at this point in a child's development? Is she truly even ADHD or ODD? Sadly, I don't have the answers to any of these questions.
So, am I going to medicate Gabriela? My gut instinct says, NO! My mind says I need to explore the options. I am having her evaluated by another doctor. I am talking over options with experts in developmental pediatrics. I am trying a system called Love & Logic for behavioral modification. I will not make hasty, emotional decisions regarding my child's health. But added to that, I will not be one of those parents that turn blindly toward medication to solve their children's problems rather than really trying other methods. Drugs have a place in this world. They are life changing for some. And for some they are unnecessary and over prescribed. I don't know if Gabriela needs medication but I know she won't get them until I have exhausted all other options.
Until next time... Wishing you a sensational journey.
Apparently, medicating an 18 month old is a little different than medicating an older child. I am told that toddlers do not respond well to stimulants such as adderall. Instead medication that has a sedating effect is recommended for younger children. Gabi's doctor recommended we put her on Clonidine. Clonidine is a medication used for high blood pressure and rapid heart rate. It can also be used to treat withdraw symptoms. It has the added side effect of having a sedating effect on those that take it. I am not a doctor or pharmacist so I won't get into the details of the drug.. It's something that anyone can Google. Suffice to say, there are a host of potential side effects that could go along with taking the medication. There have also been several reports of overdose related deaths where clonidine is concerned.
So where does this leave me, as a parent? More importantly, where does this leave Gabriela? Will denying her medical treatment negatively impact her life? We are expecting a baby in just a few months, is she a danger to a newborn? Is she a danger to herself? Will she continue to beat up on and traumatize her sister? On the other hand, is it right to medicate an 18 month old little girl? Is it fair to judge impulse control and activity level at this point in a child's development? Is she truly even ADHD or ODD? Sadly, I don't have the answers to any of these questions.
So, am I going to medicate Gabriela? My gut instinct says, NO! My mind says I need to explore the options. I am having her evaluated by another doctor. I am talking over options with experts in developmental pediatrics. I am trying a system called Love & Logic for behavioral modification. I will not make hasty, emotional decisions regarding my child's health. But added to that, I will not be one of those parents that turn blindly toward medication to solve their children's problems rather than really trying other methods. Drugs have a place in this world. They are life changing for some. And for some they are unnecessary and over prescribed. I don't know if Gabriela needs medication but I know she won't get them until I have exhausted all other options.
Until next time... Wishing you a sensational journey.
Monday, March 5, 2012
The Background
This is Gabriela. She's 18 months old and one of the loves of my life. She's smart, she's spunky, and (in my opinion) just about the cutest baby to walk the planet. :) She also suffers from sensory processing disorder (SPD). One might think that 18 months is young to start labeling kids... And you'd be right for the most part. But I knew there was something different about Gabriela right from birth.
On August 31, 2010 Gabi came wailing into this world. She had her cord wrapped around her neck so the nurses whisked her away to check things out. She was finally given to me about and hour and a half later. I was told she had low blood sugar and would need to eat immediately. And THAT is where things began to seem a little strange.
Right away I noticed that she seemed to dislike being cuddled. She could lay lightly against me but being pulled close seemed to bother her. Then she rejected breast feeding. Just like that. Less than a day old and she wouldn't latch, wouldn't even try. She got so upset when the lactation consultant tried to force her that she began screaming and tightening her lips making it impossible to get her to latch. The lactation consultant said she had never seen such a thing. That no baby in her 15 years of experience has rejected breastfeeding less than 24 hours after birth. And so begins our journey.
In the interest of writing a blog instead of a novel I will give the highlights of Gabriela's first year. She was a very fussy baby. She would scream for hours on end for no apparent reason. We discovered that the only things that helped was putting pressure on her back and tummy without restraining her arms. If the crying got too bad it would sometimes work to put her in the air or set her on our heads. (Yes, I do realize just how strange that sounds). By 7 months old she still wasn't even babbling but physically she was developing well. She hit all of her motor skills right on track. She didn't sleep through the night until almost 11 months old. She also had the weirdest little quirks. She would spin around and around for long periods of time. She seemed to enjoy things that should cause pain such as hitting and pinching herself. When I took her in for her one year check up her pediatrician suggested that she might be autistic and referred us to an early intervention program.
I took what seemed like forever to get someone from the program to come out and evaluate Gabi. She was 14 months old before that happened. They began by evaluating for autism and delays. She did not meet the criteria for autism but she tested as delayed in communication and severely delayed in social and emotional development. Her educational therapist came out weekly and her speech therapist came out every other week. Over the course of a month or so the therapist were convinced that Gabriela's biggest problem wasn't her delays but rather a sensory processing disorder. I had no idea what that meant and really nervous at the prospect of something being 'wrong' with my baby.
We added an occupational therapist to her rotation of specialists. And it seems like at the same time Gabi's condition was evolving as well. She was still spinning but had added head banging to her quirks. She climbed everything and I do mean EVERYTHING! I was constantly worried that she would kill herself. She began jumping off everything. She became much more aggressive toward everyone in the household but focused most of the aggression on her older (4 year old) sister. She started throwing screaming, kicking, bucking tantrums. In short, life in my household had become a kind of hell.
I have to say, the early intervention program has been such a gem. They have provided Gabi with a trampoline to help with her jumping and climbing, an astronaut board to help with the spinning, chewy tubes to help with the oral fixation. They offer tips and ideas for behavioral modification. They take my concerns seriously, they treat Gabriela with respect (despite how she sometimes behaves) and they are a constant source of encouragement to me.
Behavior modification is not easy when you're dealing with a small child. You can't reason with them. So we basically take away toys and use time out for punishment. We haven't had a whole lot of success with this but we are working on it. Like I said, at 18 months old, the opinions are limited in this arena.
Less than a week ago Gabriela went to see a developmental pediatrician who diagnosed her as ADHD and ODD. She recommended continued behavioral modification and possibly medication. Yes, medication. For an 18 month old. I'm still shaking my head as I type this.
That brings us current to where Gabriela is today. In my next post I will talk about the criteria for ODD and ADHD. (I know A LOT of sensory kids receive this diagnosis). The medication options. The research. And my personal opinion on medicating children. :)
Until then... Wishing you a sensational journey.
In the interest of writing a blog instead of a novel I will give the highlights of Gabriela's first year. She was a very fussy baby. She would scream for hours on end for no apparent reason. We discovered that the only things that helped was putting pressure on her back and tummy without restraining her arms. If the crying got too bad it would sometimes work to put her in the air or set her on our heads. (Yes, I do realize just how strange that sounds). By 7 months old she still wasn't even babbling but physically she was developing well. She hit all of her motor skills right on track. She didn't sleep through the night until almost 11 months old. She also had the weirdest little quirks. She would spin around and around for long periods of time. She seemed to enjoy things that should cause pain such as hitting and pinching herself. When I took her in for her one year check up her pediatrician suggested that she might be autistic and referred us to an early intervention program.
I took what seemed like forever to get someone from the program to come out and evaluate Gabi. She was 14 months old before that happened. They began by evaluating for autism and delays. She did not meet the criteria for autism but she tested as delayed in communication and severely delayed in social and emotional development. Her educational therapist came out weekly and her speech therapist came out every other week. Over the course of a month or so the therapist were convinced that Gabriela's biggest problem wasn't her delays but rather a sensory processing disorder. I had no idea what that meant and really nervous at the prospect of something being 'wrong' with my baby.
We added an occupational therapist to her rotation of specialists. And it seems like at the same time Gabi's condition was evolving as well. She was still spinning but had added head banging to her quirks. She climbed everything and I do mean EVERYTHING! I was constantly worried that she would kill herself. She began jumping off everything. She became much more aggressive toward everyone in the household but focused most of the aggression on her older (4 year old) sister. She started throwing screaming, kicking, bucking tantrums. In short, life in my household had become a kind of hell.
I have to say, the early intervention program has been such a gem. They have provided Gabi with a trampoline to help with her jumping and climbing, an astronaut board to help with the spinning, chewy tubes to help with the oral fixation. They offer tips and ideas for behavioral modification. They take my concerns seriously, they treat Gabriela with respect (despite how she sometimes behaves) and they are a constant source of encouragement to me.
Behavior modification is not easy when you're dealing with a small child. You can't reason with them. So we basically take away toys and use time out for punishment. We haven't had a whole lot of success with this but we are working on it. Like I said, at 18 months old, the opinions are limited in this arena.
Less than a week ago Gabriela went to see a developmental pediatrician who diagnosed her as ADHD and ODD. She recommended continued behavioral modification and possibly medication. Yes, medication. For an 18 month old. I'm still shaking my head as I type this.
That brings us current to where Gabriela is today. In my next post I will talk about the criteria for ODD and ADHD. (I know A LOT of sensory kids receive this diagnosis). The medication options. The research. And my personal opinion on medicating children. :)
Until then... Wishing you a sensational journey.
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